Why the Youths Are Choosing Avocado Toast Over Marriage

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I’m almost certain that my marriage works primarily because the litter box is my husband’s purview. (Purrview? I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.) When we moved into our home a few years ago, Patrick transformed a built-in linen cabinet into a bespoke feline shitter, hand-crafting a special door with a cat-sized carve-out. Even though I’m the one who brought the cats to our relationship, scooping and sifting the litter is part of his half of our household chores, and he does it nearly invisibly, and without complaint.

Weird flex, I know. But it speaks to the kind of man he is: a thoughtful, compassionate problem-solver who takes his role as a genuine partner seriously. If the gloomy complaints of other modern married women are any indication, I’ve caught a real unicorn. I couldn’t tell you how I did it; most of the other decisions I made in my twenties were middling at best. But we’re celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary this week, and I have to be a cornball about it: I love that dude more every day, and for much more than his commitment to a clean cat box. It enriches my life to share it with a person who makes me feel loved and seen and respected every day, but our marriage also just plain makes my life easier, and isn’t that part of the point? To share the boring and burdensome stuff, too—to be each other’s safety net and soft place to land. 

I don’t know whether my marital happiness is especially unusual, but among my age group, marriage itself is increasingly so. Millennials and Gen Z are waiting longer to get married than previous generations, and fewer young people than ever are choosing marriage or long-term relationships in the first place.

The dominant cultural narrative is, of course, that this is a woman’s problem both to have and to solve—even though young women today have little reason to believe the antiquated institution will make their lives easier.

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